


Lonely are the Guarded Hearts

by icabyppup



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), Spider-Man - All Media Types, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Alternate Universe - Renegotiated Sokovia Accords, Awesome Pepper Potts, BAMF Pepper Potts, Because Stark Men are Made of Iron, Blink and you'll miss it, Bruce Banner & Tony Stark Feels, Bruce Banner & Tony Stark Friendship, Bruce Banner Is a Good Bro, Bruce Banner Needs a Hug, Bruce is back!, Canon? What Canon?, Couch Cuddles, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Enjoy my mess, Established Relationship, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Howard Stark's A+ Parenting, Hugs, Hurt Tony Stark, Hurt/Comfort, I Don't Even Know, I Tried, I don't know if that tag is meant to be used in a different context, I don't know what you are talking about, I kind of glossed over that one but whatever, It won't mess them up at all, James "Rhodey" Rhodes & Tony Stark Friendship, James "Rhodey" Rhodes is a Good Bro, Let Tony Stark Go To Therapy 2k19, Not Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant, Not Canon Compliant, Parent Tony Stark, Past Relationship(s), Pepper Potts Feels, Platonic Cuddling, Precious Peter Parker, Protective James "Rhodey" Rhodes, Protective Pepper Potts, Protective Peter Parker, Protective Steve Rogers, REDEMPTION FOR EVERYONE, Redemption, Reunited and It Feels So Good, SO MUCH FLUFF, SOMFT, Sokovia Accords, Sort Of, Steve Rogers Is a Good Bro, Swearing, Tell your kid that, The tag is there if that bothers you, Tony Stark Cuddles, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Has Issues, Tony Stark Has Self-Esteem Issues, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Touch-Starved, Touch-Starved Tony Stark, We're All About Redemption Here, also some romantic cuddling, among others, because really, but I'm using it regardless, go ahead, how can you write anything with Pepper in it and not have that tag?, i forgot that one, i guess, it's a mystery, it's not really that bad, no canon here, prolific swearing, seriously, so much platonic cuddling, soft, some self-esteem issues, they both get hugs
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-17
Updated: 2019-12-26
Packaged: 2020-05-13 11:48:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19250584
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/icabyppup/pseuds/icabyppup
Summary: Touch-starvation, colloquially known as ‘skin hunger’ occurs when a person doesn’t receive enough physical contact, or touch, from other people.People who are touch deprived are more lonely and less happy, and more likely to experience stress or depression than people with fulfilled touch requirements. These people tend to have less social support and experience more mood and anxiety disorders. They are also more likely to experience alexithymia, a condition that impairs ability to express and interpret emotions. They are also more likely to have preoccupied or fearful-avoidant attachment style and therefore are less likely to form secure attachments with others in their lives. Research has shown that people need at least 8 meaningful touches a day to maintain health.Tony freaking Stark does not need a hug of all things, to function. He was perfectly fine without human contact. And with lying to himself. So he pushed on, ignoring the screaming in his cells and the tremors coursing through his body.Or, Tony is touch-starved and too stubborn to ask for a hug(5 times Tony needed a hug and one time he actually fucking asked)





	1. Peter

**Author's Note:**

> I'm back!  
> And attempting a multi-chapter fic! Yay!  
> Don't fear too much, I do have some idea of where I'm going with this...
> 
> Many thanks to CaraIsTrash for being an abundant source of naming and optimism, as well as RookieReporterZ for helping her proofread my mess. You guys are the best!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And so we begin

It started with Pepper.

 

Tony had always put up walls – it was part of being famous, living life in the spotlight. You couldn’t just trust people, because people always wanted something. It was lonely, sure, but he had always been lonely. There were remedies for loneliness, artificial warmth and pseudo-love that kept a younger version of himself sane.

 

But then Pepper came along and he realised how much his substitutes paled in comparison to the real thing. He languished in the company of another person, of human contact. He allowed himself to be let in and dissolved the walls enough to feel a human presence.

 

But then Pepper left and he was out in the cold again.

 

It was sobering, Tony thought, this realisation that despite his best attempts he was still dependant on others for human contact.

 

He shivered despite the heat of the shower that he’d been standing under for what was probably a good half-hour. It seemed that whenever he thought he was safe, the universe turned around and kicked him out into the cold.

 

Again.

 

The billionaire’s musings were cut off by FRIDAY’s electronic (but despite that, still breathtakingly tender) voice.

 

“Sir, I remind you that Peter Parker is expected at the tower in approximately fifteen minutes.”

 

Shit. It was Friday – Peter’s afternoon. Tony cut the water and stepped out of the shower, the cool air biting at his inflamed skin… so maybe the water was a _little_ on the scalding side. He hastily dressed in lab-suitable clothing and towelled his hair dry as he made his way to the lift.

 

By the time Peter arrived, Tony appeared to be suitably engrossed in a project. In reality, his mind was running haywire.

 

“Hey, Mr Stark!”

 

The man turned at the sound of his protegee’s voice, and smiled gently.

 

“Hey Pete. How was your day?”

 

As the spiderkid babbled on about his day at school, Tony let the comforting sound of chatter wash over him. But it still wasn’t enough. His skin, now only ever-so-slightly pink, was crying out for contact. He found himself drifting, imagining what it would feel like to have human contact again… the brush of a hand, the touch of a shoulder… maybe even a hug, if he let himself dream that much…

 

“Mr Stark? You still with me?”

 

Oh crap, Peter had noticed him zoning out. He didn’t want the kid thinking that he didn’t care about what he had to say.

 

“Sorry Pete. Half my brain’s still working on the project, y’know?” Tony gestured towards the half-assembled pile of metal that he was tinkering with, the too-believable lie bitter on his tongue.

 

Predictably, Peter nodded in understanding and Tony felt disproportionately guilty about using this sacred distraction as a barricade between him and emotions.

 

“So, what’re you working on?” Peter asked, and he was once again _so_ grateful for this kid. Maybe he’d be able to lose himself in working with Peter. But once the explanation was over and they started tinkering, that idea flew out the window.

 

Because they were working on the same project in such close quarters, a few casual touches were unavoidable. But every brush of Peter’s skin set him alight, trails of fire over his touch-starved flesh. It was torturous, having the very thing that he craved – human touch – so tantalisingly close but yet so unattainable.

 

It would be _so easy_ just to ask Peter for a hug… the kid was so affectionate that he definitely wouldn’t mind, and they were close enough, but…

 

_Stark men are made of iron._

Tony freaking Stark does not need a _hug_ of all things, to function. He was perfectly fine without human contact. And with lying to himself. So he pushed on, ignoring the screaming in his cells and the tremors coursing through his body.

 

“Mr Stark? Are you okay?”

 

And oh god, Peter was staring at his hands. His _shaking_ hands.

 

_Fuck._

 

He couldn’t bullshit his way out of this one, as much as he might try. Peter knew him too well for that. He felt his heart-rate kick up a notch, and the kid next to him must’ve heard it, for he laid what Tony was sure was supposed to be a comforting hand on his shoulder.

 

Tony flinched back as if Peter’s skin was a branding iron.

 

The kid pulled his hand back slowly, and Tony could see him smothering the seedlings of hurt in his eyes as logic took over. Peter’s gaze was gentle, but so probing and analytical that for a second he felt as though the spiderling had telepathic powers as well as everything else. Like he could see into his soul.

 

“Mr Stark.”

 

And wow, he didn’t know that Peter had that in him. His voice was firm, but so full of empathy and it had Tony wanting to spill all of his secrets to a sixteen-year-old kid. But that was something that he wasn’t willing to do…

 

Parents were supposed to protect their children, not the other way around.

 

He couldn’t have his kid shouldering his burdens.

 

He tried to think, tried to find a reasonable excuse or a way to divert the conversation, but his longing for touch was clawing at his brain, hijacking his thoughts and pulling his attention away from the task at hand.

 

As though he could sense Tony’s ever-spiralling thoughts, Peter took a deep breath, “It’s okay. You can talk to me, you know. I’m here for you too, Mr Stark,”

 

Peter looked at him long and hard.

 

“Can I hug you?”

 

And for the life of him, Tony didn’t have the strength to say no.

 

He fell into Peter’s arms and trembled at the overwhelming surge of contact. It was so close to unbearable. It _hurt,_ but it felt _so good._

 

He couldn’t remember the last time that he had been held like that.

 

_He couldn’t remember the last time anyone cared enough to hug him._

 

They stayed like that for a long time, the billionaire shaking in the arms of his spiderkid.

 

…

 

“It’s called touch-starvation, Mr Stark. I did a project on it last semester.”

 

The mechanic did not look convinced.

 

“Are you sure that this is a real thing, Pete? You’re not just making things up to make an old man feel better about wanting a hug?”

 

The kid shot him a look.

 

“It is a real thing! Could I do a project on something that wasn’t real?”

 

As Peter chatted on about the requirements for choosing project topics, Tony found himself smiling despite everything. Sitting on the lab couch with his kid tucked under his arm and a blanket smothering the two of them… that was his idea of heaven.


	2. Rhodey

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony is in denial and Rhodey joins the party.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M BACK!
> 
> (no, not dead)
> 
> And sorry for the wait, life has been hectic, but I really hope this chapter is worth it!
> 
> Thank you so much for all of the lovely comments, they really motivated me to get this chapter out! (hint, hint) And speaking of, this chapter is dedicated to each and every one of you who've left a comment <3 Not even kidding, you all made my day and kept me going on this, thank you so much.
> 
> And in further thanking, thank you again to CaraIsTrash for her amazing editing and support! I wouldn't be able to do this without you <3
> 
> I hope you guys like this, and happy reading <3

Next Friday, Peter came bounding into the lab with a huge grin on his face and proceeded to wrap Tony in a hug. Startled, the man stumbled backwards under the teenager’s weight and attempted to conceal the burning sensation that came alongside the touch.

 

“Hey, Pete. What’s this for?”

 

The teenager smiled up at him bashfully, doe eyes peeking out from underneath chocolate curls.

 

“Well, I have to do something to help you with your problem, don’t I?”

 

It took a few seconds for the cogs in the billionaire’s brain to creak to life, and recall the conversation of the past week. To be honest, once the kid had fallen asleep at the workbench and he’d tucked him into the backseat of Happy’s car, Tony had let the events of the evening slip from his thoughts. It wasn’t too hard to write off Peter’s theory – after all, the kid was practically an octopus – he clung to anyone nearby. He could understand how the spiderling might think it impossible to live without hugs, but to him that concept seemed highly implausible. After all, he was still alive, wasn’t he?

 

But how was he to break the news to an excitable teenager who seemed to have latched onto the theory?

 

“I’ve been thinking about your… _issue_ , and I’ve come up with a few ideas to help remedy the touch-starvation.”

 

Okay, so Peter was _very_ set on this.

 

“Kid, you’re making it sound as though I turn into a werewolf or something. And while I appreciate the thought, it’s unnecessary,” he grimaced. The kid was really too attached to the idea that he could fix every problem with a hug.

 

Peter frowned, but before he could argue FRIDAY interrupted.

 

“Sir, may I remind you that Colonel Rhodes is expected to be arriving at the tower in approximately 35 minutes.”

 

Since when was Rhodey coming over?

 

As if she could sense his confusion, FRIDAY piped up, “It was arranged a month ago that Colonel Rhodes would visit today.”

 

Well, Tony certainly had no recollection of that conversation, but it wasn’t as though he minded. It’d been way too long since he’d seen Rhodey, and Rhodey adored the kid.

 

“Mr Rhodey is coming over? That’s awesome! Can I see him? Do you mind, Mr Stark? I can always go if you don’t want me here…”

 

He was quick to reassure the kid that no, he didn’t mind, and Rhodey would be happy to see him too. As the conversation spiralled into dinner options, Peter’s plan to remedy his supposed ‘touch-starvation’ was quickly forgotten once more.

 

…

 

Rhodey made it one step out of the elevator before he was latched onto by Peter. Smiling, he engulfed the kid in a bear hug.

 

“Hey Pete! How’re you doing?”

 

As Rhodey listened the blow-by-blow of Peter’s past week, Tony emerged from the kitchen and made his way over to the pair. The Colonel strode forward and wrapped his best friend in a brief hug, not missing the flinch that came with the contact. He pulled back and looked the other man over, carefully scanning for a sign that anything could be amiss.

 

Tony didn’t miss the crinkle in his friend’s brow, nor the familiar sweeping gaze that made him feel like he was being opened up and every inch of him examined. Rhodey’s concern was appreciated, but unnecessary. He was fine.

 

“How’ve you been, honeybear?”

 

The familiar endearment drew his friend’s attention away from observing him, instead pulling him into conversation.

 

“Fine, not much going on though. What about you, Tones?” The engineer could hear the real question in his friend’s tone, he just chose to ignore it.

 

“Just been tinkering around - Pete and I have been working on a new web-shooter system that might be able to improve the tensile strength of his webs while they’re dissolving.”

 

Thankfully, Peter responded to the unspoken cue, picking up the topic and explaining to Rhodey how as his webs dissolved, the tensile strength lowered.

 

Tony backed out of the room, intending to order the usual pizzas. He was just about the get FRIDAY to call the place when he heard from the other room;

 

“I’m worried about Mr Stark. Last Friday-”

 

The kid was dobbing him in?

 

“Kid! Can you come here? I’m ordering pizza,” Tony cut him off before he could finish his sentence.

 

Of _course_ Peter would try to tell Rhodey. And knowing his friend, Rhodey would be convinced by the kid’s little theory. The billionaire wasn’t sure why that idea bothered him so much, but the thought of Rhodey latching onto Peter’s idea had his heart-rate kicking up a notch.

 

Said spiderling wandered into the kitchen, his usual order already forming on his lips when Tony stopped him.

 

“Kid, I know that you think you’re doing the right thing here, but please, for the love of a god that I don’t believe in, keep your little theory to yourself. Okay?”

 

The spiderling frowned, and hit him with that discerning stare (when did Peter get so good at Rhodey’s stare? Was he taking lessons?).

 

“But Mr Stark, Mr Rhodey wants to help you. Don’t you think he’d want to know if there was something wrong?”

 

But there was _nothing_ wrong with him.

 

Tony Stark was absolutely fine and _did not need a hug._

But obviously Peter Parker wasn’t willing to accept that.

 

“Kid, look. You need to understand that I’m fine, okay? I’ve entertained your little theory for as long as I could, but you need to understand that I’m okay. There’s no need to bother Rhodey with this, _capice_?”

 

Peter’s analytical look melted into one of pity and understanding.

 

“It’s okay Mr Stark, you’re allowed to feel not okay. Mr Rhodey will understand, I promise.”

 

And before Tony had a chance to explain to the kid that there was _nothing to understand,_ because he was _fine,_ Peter has slipped back around to Rhodey.

 

The inventor spared himself a second to groan before pursuing the teenager.

 

But he was too late.

 

The kid had run back into the other room, and was talking mile-a-minute to Rhodey. Tony caught the words ‘touch-starved’ and ‘denial’, amongst many others. From a glance he could tell that his best friend was back into Concerned Mother Mode.

 

Well, this would be fun to explain.

 

They both looked up as he entered the room, and before he could even open his mouth Rhodey had somehow made it around the couch and engulfed him in a bear hug.

 

And _oh._

Since cuddling with Peter last week, he had been back to his standard routine of basically zero touch. Peter and Rhodey had both hugged him in greeting earlier, but he’d brushed off the touch before it really had time to sink in.

 

Before it really had time to _hurt._

Because it did hurt – he wasn’t as worked up as last week but the result was still similar; every inch of skin that was being touched was tingling in a way that reminded him of pins and needles, if pins and needles were addictive and made him want to cry. It was _so much,_ but not nearly enough and Tony _needed_ to be hugged forever but also let go.

 

“It’s okay, Tones. I’ve got you.”

 

And oh god how could he ever, _ever_ think that this was just a theory because Rhodey’s skin on his was the only thing keeping him alive.

 

An eternity passed in a mere moment and then the grip on him was shifting, an arm around his shoulder guided him to the couch and he _collapsed,_ clinging on to his oldest friend like a lifeline.

 

It was only when Rhodey met his eyes that he realised that they were filled with tears.

 

Normally he’d rein himself in, burying the emotion deep and summoning his trusty façade…

 

But it was _Rhodey_ and he was _safe._

 

“Tones, please… don’t do this to yourself. Touch is an actual human need, okay? I promise, you’re not weak - you’re so damn strong. But you’re still _human_.”

 

 _Of course_ Rhodey could see the desperate need for validation written plainly on his face. 

 

God he loved this man.

 

And he knew that the acceptance was clear in his eyes, no response required.

 

Rhodey laughed wetly,

 

“And if you ever lie to me again, you’ll regret it, you hear?”

 

Tony’s chuckled was barely perceptible, “Got it, platypus.”

 

Rhodey pulled him closer for another half hug, and called for Peter, who emerged guiltily from around the corner.

 

Any apologies died on his lips in response to the look Rhodey shot him, and the kid silently took his place in the cuddle pile.

 

…

 

“You know, Peter’s shaping up to be a pretty good apprentice,” Rhodey remarked through his slice of pizza.

 

Tony looked scandalised.

 

“Your apprentice! The kid’s _my_ mentee!”

 

The colonel just laughed.

 

“So you think, but who worked out what was wrong with you and alerted backup?” He looked over at Peter, “I reckon you’ve earned your place in the ranks of Tony Stark’s Babysitters. Welcome to the team kid.”

 

Tony’s scandalised expression only grew.

 

“That’s my line!”

 

Peter, from the other side of the cuddle pile, just smiled a little wider.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you think? Did I do okay?  
> Anything from constructive criticism to an emoji would really be appreciated :)


	3. Pepper

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pepper finally comes into the picture. Because seriously, no-one writes Pepper Potts out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I'm back again with a pretty short chapter, but hopefully the feels will make up for the length!  
> Thank you again so much to everyone who has taken the time to comment - it means so much to me, and your lovely comments have inspired me to keep getting stuff written. Thank you all again!

It was fair to say that Tony and Pepper had a somewhat tumultuous relationship. They’d been on and off again for years, but in recent years they had spent much more time ‘on’ than they had ‘off’.

 

Tony had been hopeful, he really had. But just like everything good in his life, it had fallen to pieces once more.

 

The thing was, he really loved Pepper. Always had, always will.

 

So it hurt to be apart from her, a physical ache that settled heavy in his chest and lurked in the bottom of his lungs, ready to reach up and choke him at a moment’s notice. And he was okay with that, really. He knew that he’d never not love Pepper Potts. But some days, it was hard to bear.

 

Especially when he was alone.

 

Things had been better since Peter and Rhodey teamed up to wage a two-man war against his touch-starvation, but the issues hit hard once twilight had come and gone; well after the witching hour his breath would hitch because the ache of missing Pepper reared its head and his skin would cry out for the soothing touch of another.

 

Touch-starvation and heartbreak were a killer combination.

 

…

 

“Tony?”

 

Said man’s head shot up from the project he was working on. Happy had driven Peter back to Queens several hours prior, and Tony had been letting the queue of Disney movies he had up for Peter continue to run in the background as he fiddled with tech adjustments on his tablet.

 

He hadn’t even heard Pepper enter the room, or noticed when FRIDAY paused the movie.

 

“Hey Pep,” the genius tried to smile, but it came out as more of a grimace. He and Pepper had been in a… rocky patch of their relationship. It was surprising to see her here, but not unpleasant.

 

The only unpleasant thing was the hypersensitivity of his skin, another seeming side effect of his touch starvation kicked into overdrive at her presence, most likely in the hopes of improbable touch.

 

Pepper took a few cautious steps into the room, and slowly made her way to sit opposite him on the couch.

 

The air in the room was charged, but strangely gentle. It was like being wrapped in a warm blanket, and Tony luxuriated in the feeling.

 

Pepper smiled gently and took a deep breath. He could see her preparing for whatever she wanted to say.

 

“Tony, I… I’m sorry.”

 

Of all the things she could’ve done, she was here to apologise?

 

“For what?” he said, voicing his thoughts aloud. He never could hide anything from her, anyway.

 

She raised her chin and met his gaze. He could see embers in her eyes. There always were, he mused. How anyone could miss it was beyond him.

 

“For leaving you. It… it was a mess, Tony, and this time it was mainly my mess, not yours.”

 

He was thrown. Pepper’s fault? How could anything _possibly_ be Pepper’s fault?

 

“Your fault? You were further from fault on that one occasion than I’ve been for my whole life.”

 

The redhead tried to interrupt, but Tony stopped her.

 

“You’ve always been so much better than me. The amount of time you’ve spent either trying to keep me alive or worrying about whether I’m dead… I owe you so much. You’re the reason for the best of me, Pep. And I love you so much. I could never fault you.”

 

She smiled, misty-eyed, and leaned closer to the man opposite her.

 

“You may think that, but you’re pretty great on your own – when you remember to eat and sleep,” she laughed despite herself.

 

“I left because I didn’t feel like I could handle that… but even though I thought I was doing the right thing, it doesn’t feel right anymore. I miss you, Tony.”

 

She smiled, and it was so soft and gentle and _Pepper_ that the thing in his lungs grabbed hold of his breath again and squeezed.

 

And then the distance between them was gone and she was cradling him in her arms as shivers wracked his body and he was clinging to her as though she was _everything._

 

“Ssh love, it’s okay. I’m here.”

 

…

 

The couple were intertwined on the couch, swathed in blankets.

 

“So tell me, what’s been going on? What have I missed?” Pepper asked quietly.

 

“Peter’s been coming around a lot more… so has Rhodey.”

 

“That’s nice,” she considered his words, “any particular reason?”

 

Tony looked away. How to explain the events of the last few months?

 

“Peter- have you noticed how perceptive Peter is?”

 

Pepper hummed a confirmation, very aware of the subject change.

 

“So, a couple months ago…” Tony rubbed the bridge of his nose. “A couple of months ago, Peter… noticed some stuff about me. He worked out that I’m…”

 

There was something terrifying about revealing his touch-starvation. For all intents and purposes, it was a weakness, and telling someone about a weakness felt like handing them a knife and then exposing his back.

 

But this was _Pepper._

“He worked out that I’m touch-starved.”

 

Pepper’s expression twisted into something full of concern. “Oh Tony,” she paused, “is that why you were shaking?”

 

He nodded, and she pulled him closer, running her hands up and down his arms - amplifying the skin-to-skin contact and _oh,_ he was _drowning_ in it.

 

“And that’s why Peter and Rhodey have been around so much?”

 

“Yeah… the kid told Rhodey, and they’ve been working on remedying it.”

 

And Pepper had that _look_ on her face, the look that Tony recognised well. It was the look of Pepper Potts, Invincible Superwoman™ that could conquer any challenge.

 

“Well, now they’ve got help.”

 

Tony knew bone-deep, in the same, instinctual way that so many others feared her, that absolutely _nothing_ could stand in the way of Pepper Potts.

 

And she was well and truly in his corner.


	4. Bruce

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We couldn't leave Bruce now, could we?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologise for the wait, this chapter came like pulling teeth. A huge thank you for my wonderful friends, editors and motivators for helping me get this one out!  
> aLSO, HOLY SHIT, thank you guys so much for over 300 kudos!  
> And speaking of teeth; tooth-rotting fluff is incoming. You have been warned.  
> (Also, just in case it isn't obvious, I have completely thrown canon out of the window by this point.)

When the call came through, Tony was binge-watching some crappy law show at 2am and attempting to make a dent in his lifetime supply of Stark Raving Hazelnut ice cream. Insomnia was being a bitch again and with Pepper in Japan for some quote-unquote ‘’important’’ SI meeting, he was free to make bad decisions about enforcing regular sleeping patterns.

 

Hence the binge-watching.

 

“Sir, you have an incoming call. Would you like me to answer it?”

 

The billionaire paused the TV and looked to the ceiling with mild interest,  “Sure, why not? It’s not like I have anything better to do at this point.”

 

He waited while FRIDAY patched the call through, yawning as he checked the time. Surely it couldn’t have been 2 hours of Some Crappy Law Show already?

 

“Tony?”

 

And his heart stopped.

 

“Bruce?”

 

The scientist’s voice was worn thin, and he sounded close to the point of passing out from exhaustion – a worry for Bruce Banner, King Of The All-Nighters. (Tony had conceded the title one night in August, on the brink of total shutdown.) Bruce could go _days_ without sleep and still act like a somewhat functioning human. Tony’s old instincts from nights in the labs kicked in, and he was halfway to asking his friend when he had last slept before it hit him.

 

Bruce was missing, had been missing for a long time. Tony had run _hundreds_ of programs, used FRIDAY to search the galaxy as far as she could for any trace of his friend. But now here he was, on the other end of the phone, sounding beat to hell but _alive._

“Oh thank _fuck,_ Bruce, you would not believe how worried I’ve been. I swear to god, if you don’t have a movie-worthy reason for your time MIA, I will beat you _right back_ to wherever you were.”

 

“Might be a bit hard to do that, unless you’ve somehow beat me to engineering travel three times the speed of light. Could the competition really not wait until I got back?”

 

His friend chuckled, and Tony let out a breath he didn’t realise he was holding.

 

 _Bruce was_ _okay._

“Stay wherever you are, I’m coming to get you.”

 

…

 

After collecting his long-lost friend from where he had been unceremoniously dumped on some random street corner (apparently Thor had been coming past this part of the milky way, and decided he could spare Bruce a ride), slightly singed and somewhat rattled but alive, he took Bruce back to the tower with him.

 

After shoving the scientist into his room with instructions to clean himself up (yes, Tony had maintained his long-lost friend’s room, so sue him), Tony staggered back to his previous spot on the couch. He sunk into the cushions vacantly, feeling like he’d been hit across the face with a sledgehammer – in a word, shell-shocked.

 

_Bruce was back._

He could hardly believe it. And so he sat immobile, staring at the TV that FRIDAY had long since turned off.

 

It could’ve been minutes or hours before Bruce stumbled through the doorway, his hair still wet from what Tony assumed was a much-needed shower. Wordlessly, he made his way over to the couch and collapsed into the cushions.

 

The two friends sat together, the silence heavy and comforting around them. They took refuge in the solitude. Wrapped it around them like a blanket and used it to pretend that everything was okay.

 

That they hadn’t been apart for years.

 

That they couldn’t both tell the other was breaking.

 

They got comfortable, Tony wedged into the corner and Bruce curled next to him, the billionaire’s feet in his lap. FRIDAY resumed playing the same crappy law show from before, but left it muted.

 

Tony had forgotten how nice it was to just _be_ with Bruce, and he clung onto the contact, his mind awash with overwhelming sensation and emotion that came with cuddling his long-lost friend.

 

…

 

They made it to 4am before shattering the quiet - and with it, the paper-thin illusion of normality. Over the hour or so they’d curled closer together, both gently shaking as they clung to each other through the insatiable storm of emotions they were battered with, the TV running silently in the background all the while. If a few tears were shed, so be it.

 

“I missed you.”

 

It was Tony who broke the silence, always was and always would be. That much was a comfort, at least, as their barely-there illusion crumbled. Arms squeezed imperceptibly tighter, voices thick with tears and relief and something a little like regret.

 

“I did too.”

 

The men curled closer still, heads resting atop each other as they drowned in the contact.

 

“I tried to find you, you know?” Tony’s speech was raw and choked. “I wrote programs and ran them through FRIDAY. They were supposed to scan for any traces of your DNA… but they could never find anything.”

 

Bruce blinked back tears, “Really?”

 

The mechanic looked shocked, “Of course! What did you think I’d do when you just vanished off the face of the earth? Ignore it?”

 

The other man’s silence was answer enough.

 

“Bruce,” Tony's voice was impossibly gentle, filled with tears, “you’re one of my closest friends – hell, one of my only friends. I care about you, okay? There is _no_ _fucking_ _way_ that I’d ever just leave you. Got it?”

 

Bruce nodded and laughed tearfully.

 

“God, we need help.”

 

Tony smiled gently, “Yeah, we should do something about that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A huge, huge thank you for anyone who's stuck around and is still reading! You're the best!  
> I'd really appreciate any comments you've got up your sleeve, they make my entire year!


	5. Steve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I finally bit the bullet and wrote the rogues into this. 
> 
> Enjoy some sweet sweet Steve and Tony feels

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have returned!  
> Thanks to Lana's comment for inspiring how I did this chapter.  
> Also, for now I've decided that I'm going to make this into a 5+1, which means one more chapter to go. I really adore this universe though, so I'm definitely down to return with more fics or chapters!  
> Thank you to everyone who has left kudos and especially comments, you're honestly the reason I've got this far. Another huge thank you to anyone still following this fic! I know I'm slow, but I hope this is worth the wait :)  
> A massive thank you to CaraIsTrash and RookieReporterZ for all of their help. Love you guys <3 <3

Tony had been doing better, he really had.

 

With his support network clued in on the issue, the amount of touch he was getting had skyrocketed. The people around him were making an effort to show more tactile affection, and in turn he was getting better at asking for it when he felt it was needed. He still had bad days when he would wake up with electrified skin, or withdrew from displays of casual affection. But he was learning to get through it in a healthy way, with the help of his family.

 

He wasn’t counting on a mission to throw a major wrench in his carefully balanced system.

 

…

 

It was supposed to be simple.

 

There was some suspicious activity in Italy, something about alien tech going missing and suspected connections to terrorism or the mafia, whatever. The goal was to retrieve the weapons, or at the very least work out who was buying and selling what.

 

It was purely luck of the draw that Tony and Steve happened to be saddled with this one. Some Avengers were busy, others unable to be contacted or not fit for this type of mission (sorry Bruce, subtlety is not your specialty in the superheroing game). The Avengers had been reunited post the accords resolution, but there was still some remaining tension – especially between Tony and Steve.

 

Which was why when their second day in Italy rolled around and Tony woke up for the fifth time that night, cranky and with his skin feeling a size too small for his body, he simply rolled out of bed and into a hot shower. He refused to let himself think about the person moving around the hotel room, just a paper-thin wall away. Someone who he had once called a friend, maybe even a part of his strange little family - if you had got him on a _very_ good day… _But the past is in the past_ , he thought firmly as he towelled himself down in the steamy bathroom, _and that’s all there is to it._

 

…

 

Unfortunately, he didn’t have as much control over his thoughts as he would’ve liked. Seven hours later and five into a stakeout of an old warehouse _\- and seriously, why did all the people getting up to no good have the urge to seek out a warehouse? So unoriginal, and pretty much a dead giveaway –_ Tony’s skin felt electric, buzzing all over with a charge that seemed to reach for Steve every time he shifted close to him. The catch was that the more time passed, the more his skin itched, making it almost impossible to abstain from fidgeting. It was a vicious cycle, and every second Tony held out the worse the longing for human contact became.

 

He found his eyes drifting from the building he was supposed to be watching, settling instead on Steve’s skin. His gaze flitted like a butterfly from surface to surface, travelling from his fingers, _how easy would it be to wrap his own around them, those strong arms, how good it would feel to be enveloped in them, so safe and secure, his shoulder, he could just rest his head there for a second-_

“Tony?”

 

The other man’s voice shocked the engineer out of his reverie, making him startle and crash right into Steve’s side, which he then promptly flinched away from as though he’d been burnt… though from the tingling heat filling his arm where it had come into contact with the other man, he may as well have been.

 

Steve’s face contorted, expression shifting a few times before settling on an approximation of confusion, concern and hurt.

 

“Are you okay?”

 

Tony could only blink, thoughts still stuck on the fleeting feeling of _skin, warmth, comfort, relief-_

 

He could only try and blame his sleep-deprived and touch-desperate brain for his next actions, because he sure as hell wouldn’t have reached over and hugged Steve if he was in his right mind.

 

Again, he wasn’t – his brain was _very_ addled with an overwhelming mix of exhaustion and desperate longing. So, acting purely on instinct, he leant over and hugged the man beside him, arms flung around his shoulders and face pressed into his chest. Desperately clinging to try and relieve his horrible craving for touch.

 

Said relief lasted for a blissful three or four seconds, but all too soon the warm waves of comfort were replaced with the hard, cold crash of reality. Tony threw himself away from Steve, horrified, before remembering that they were stuck in a space the effective size of a broom closet and crashing into the wall. The engineer could feel his cheeks going supernova, all the while his cells screamed for _more more more_ and he still couldn’t look at Steve and he sure as hell wasn’t going to be the one to start this conversation so maybe he should just leave.

 

He wasn’t of any help here anyway.

 

“I’m not really doing any good here, I think it would be best if you continued this on your own. Call me if there are any developments, or if you need backup.”

 

So with that Tony Stark shuffled out of the vent room, desperately trying to retain the last scraps of his dignity. His face burned with shame the whole walk back to the hotel.

 

He didn’t look up. If he had, he might’ve noticed the worry painted plain across Steve’s features, or the excess of moisture in his eyes.

 

…

 

Tony had a long hot shower and sulked in the hotel room for another two hours before Steve returned. In that time, he had managed to erect the shattered remains of his pride and immediately weaponised it in the form of boundless sarcasm and snark the second Steve stepped into the doorway.

 

“Well, if it isn’t the Capsicle. Have fun sitting in a metal box for hours? Tell me, did it remind you of your freezer?”

 

Steve blew out a breath and closed the door, deigning to ignore the comment.

 

“I don’t have anything additional to report - there wasn’t any activity after you left.”

 

“Well, it’s nice to know that the whole exercise was a waste of time. What a shocker. You know, I told you we should be looking at that place two streets over, but no, the Captain had ‘a feeling’ about this one, and-”

 

“Tony,” and well, fuck, Steve was looking at him with his huge eyes and his head tilted slightly to the side and it made him look _so much_ like a puppy it was uncanny and well, double fuck; because the pure _concern_ written plain across his features was so disarming and he was doing the look that made it feel like he was staring into Tony’s soul and simultaneously observing all of his sins and forgiving them like some sort of second Christ and if if _that_  wasn’t a mental image-

 

“You there?”

 

The engineer could only numbly nod.

 

“I really think we should talk about what happened today.”

 

Of course Steve would be the one to introduce the elephant in the room because that was necessary, and a good idea, and Steve was fucking good at making good decisions; and maybe, okay, Tony could use some help in that department.

 

_Fine._

“If we must.”

 

Steve sat down beside him on the crappy hotel sofa, and settled in like he was ready for a big heart-to-heart and _great,_ just because Tony had been better at that recently didn’t mean he was ready for a big ol’ chat about his feelings with Captain America.

 

“I know that we’ve had our differences in the past, especially with the accords, but I had really hoped going into this mission that we could put that behind us. However, I do understand why you might not be comfortable around me anymore,” Steve levelled him a look full of so much _understanding_ that it almost had him backing away on instinct, “and I accept that. I know I’ve acted badly, and some of the things I’ve done you might not be able to forgive me for. I just want you to know that I am truly sorry.”

 

Wait.

 

Steve thought this was all about the accords?

 

Well, to be fair, Tony had been angry about that for a long time. But he was also a grown-ass adult. He allowed himself to experience his emotions, he spoke to his psychologist and he reconciled himself with the events.

 

_(And maybe he was a little bit too used to forgiving and forgetting horrible things that had happened to him, but that was a session for another day. Or year.)_

 

Sure, things were still a little tense between the two of them, but that was mainly because _Tony_ though that _Steve_ might not have forgiven him, not the other way around. Because he had acted bullheadedly, and ignored his teammates and friends and had acted like himself from another era, from before he had learnt to trust people again.

 

But that was a conversation for another day.

 

“Steve, I forgive you. I have for a long time.”

 

The other man looked up at him, eyes glistening and full of hope.

 

“Really?”

 

Tony nodded.

 

Steve relaxed for all of two seconds before his head snapped up again, eyes back into interrogation mode.

 

“Then what was the thing in the vent room about?”

 

Tony winced.

 

“Nothing?” he tried, hoping that by some miracle the universe was done with him and sappy conversations and would let him off the hook.

 

Yeah, nah. He wasn’t that lucky. And he wasn’t getting out of this, no matter how hard he tried.

 

“Fine,” he braced himself for a long conversation, “have you heard of touch-starvation?”

 

The soldier shook his head, mildly perplexed.

 

“It’s basically what happens when a person doesn’t get enough touch. Things like holding hands, hugs, all that touchy-feely shit. It’s actually a human need, as fucking stupid as that sounds. It’s kind of like when you don’t get enough water and become dehydrated, only with touch.”

 

Steve nodded, and looked like he understood.

 

“During the war, often when we rescued children who had been abandoned in war zones they would cling onto us for hours and not let go, like they’d die if they weren’t touching someone.”

 

Tony wasn’t sure if he liked that he was being compared to starving-war-victim-children, but he’d take it if Steve understood the concept.

 

“Yeah, like that. That’s why I was so weird today – I’ve been getting better, but on bad days I just really feel like I need to touch someone and I was kind of tired and wasn’t really thinking so I sort of just did and I’m really sorry-“

 

Steve cut him off for the second time that evening.

 

“Tony. Look at me.”

 

He hesitantly did so. The engineer’s timid gaze was met with Steve’s own distraught one. His eyes were tearing up again, and he looked destroyed.

 

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

 

Tony didn’t have a response for him.

 

“Tony, why didn’t you just ask for a hug? I’d be more than happy to give you one.”

 

“Tony?”

 

“I know it’s stupid, I just feel like it’s a really dumb thing to have to ask for, and even though I know it’s a real issue it still feels like I shouldn’t need this. Isn’t it ridiculous? I’m a grown-ass man, I should be able to survive a couple days without a hug!”

 

Both of their voices were choked with tears now.

 

Steve hesitantly took Tony’s hand. The electricity in his skin sparked to life, surging and pulsing in rings around Steve’s fingers and sending waves of sensation coursing through his entire body.

 

The soldier made eye contact with him, impossibly gentle.

 

“You don’t like to feel vulnerable, and there’s a part of you that feels like relying on others is a weakness.”

 

And, _that._

 

That kind of perfectly summed up the entire issue and wrapped the ugliness up in a pretty little bow.

 

_Damn Steve and his godawful empathy and fucking perception._

Tony didn’t need to answer that statement. They both knew Steve was right.

 

“Can I hug you?”

 

The men crashed together in a tangle of limbs on the couch, all warmth and skin. Steve ended up cradling Tony, because _of course_ he did. They lay like that for what felt like forever, just lying back and relishing the glorious overwhelming feeling of it all washing over them.

 

…

 

They caught the arms dealers and customers (Mafia, as _Tony_ had suspected) the next day.

 

Steve and the rest of the team moved back in a day later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading this far :) I live for comments, so I'd really appreciate one of those, no matter how short or long <3
> 
> And this is your daily reminder to take care of yourself! Go do something good for you!

**Author's Note:**

> I'd really appreciate a comment! Especially as this is a muti-chapter fic, comments keep up my motivation to write.


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